...setting smoke on fire...

"...to be immortal, one must never tire of 'dying' ..."

"...i kept thinking of a simple way to see if i was heaven worthy, just for the hell of it, and i came up with a simple test that seems to be effective enough and acts as a kind of mental state check....All i had to do was imagine what my heaven would be like, what where my greatest desires....and if anything like naked chicks popped up or some crazy "notions" or "acts" i knew i was in the wrong state of mind and had to make re-adjustments which kinda meant re-adjusting my life and what i see as being important..."

"...soul true..."

life is a trip, but no weekend getaway...

pay the cost, lets charge that to memories...

dancin to her soul, call it melody...

been gone too long, i'll be home eventually...

fallen angels... i seen many similies...

book ov life long, we must live a summary...

let me in and i give you sum ov me...

mirrors dont speak coz they contain the enemy...

wonder if its crazy to understand insanity...

seems the soul aint fulfilled hidden in humanity...

theres a reason dreams vague in clarity...

realized we measure equality in salaries...

worry bout poverty, who got time to worry bout calories??

nothin on camera come close to reality...

food for thought, most the world gat allergies...

obstetric debate on the females choice on parity...

jus laugh...life seems like hells parody...

apparently, my DNA stem from Gods family...

hard to base my needs on theoretical strategies...

so my knees scraped for pleas to actual calamities...

dont get me wrong, life a b#tch, nd i dnt need charity...

but wat do we do wen the end manifest currently??

root ov evil, plant my dreams nd hopes on currency...

we had the "word" corrupted to laws then policy...

so if they ask if i did it, the truth is probably...

coz truth dont have a "root" in the economy...

and cents prevail sense commonly...

being broke is a joke huh?? guess its dark comedy...

every account just testifies to numerology...

i dont offer you none, coz only God deserves my apology...

gotta preserve the ground i walk on for those who follow me...

follow me...

look, the truth speak for itself, so guess if i ask, lie to me...

learn to live, lets make a discovery...

sick of life?? living the only recovery...

#######

I know kinda has a dark tone to it, but its a thingy i drafted a while back and just came upon it... yeah, was for all the "issues" i witnessed and all....for the world :)

...the point of being pointless...

"...overrated...??"

seems the only way to live is through a near death experience...

almost killed my emotions, so i could let love breathe again...

feels like all my life i been acting out of character...

holding everything in, but now am running out of stamina...

now when i want to see you i have to plead with my camera...

got so much going on, God please be my manager...

make a career out of living, death is always just a passenger...

the last girl that said she loved me now is moving on to Canada...

its my fault i cant commit and i pretend there is something on...

till i grow tired, then am a liar, then you sense that something wrong...

now am sorry, then you leaving, till everything is gone...

i really don't know what to say when your name shows up on ma phone...

and its funny how you make sure i know you not alone...

guess you still don't get that that is all i want to be...

am sorry i gave you pain, all i wanted was a few memories...

am hoping you see me different if not now, then eventually...

though i say i didn't love you, let it not take from what you meant to me...

cant even remember my first kiss...

but what is important i guess is to remember the purpose...

only think am shallow cause all i avail is my surface...

sorry am just killing time, this is evidence of my murders...

###############

yeah, yeah!!!! i know...am going back to study...

...when limits seem like just a suggestion...

YO! mad weekend, mad life really. lol

This just like a big shout out to the man making it happen; My dad, love you....and of course mums is the best!!! I wont even lie, God been good to me and its like a driving force for me to be better, i mean....i don't ever feel deserving of any of the things i have or anything given to me, so everyday i wake, i live to be the person who deserves them. Ok, i lie....i do deserve them, lol....but am still mad thankful....

My exams ongoing now, preparing for a trip with my family (,i hate travelling kinda, sort of but not really,) the studio engineer heard my drop on a mates track and went mad crazy and has been going on about how i should do my own solo project and get a demo on point and all....huh, see how that goes. Plus props to everybody helping me out on my spiritual journey, its hard sometimes to accommodate for my curiosity and all.

What else??? Trying fix up my car and all, preparing for my lil brother coming over next year!!! I miss him and my family back home like mad....got sum major work lined up for the holidays, so looking forward to getting back with my one true and always faithful LOVE........gwaaaps!!! duckies!!! spondookies!!! or more commonly known as MONEY!!! :) don't worry, am just playing. lol

Really i just jumped on this during my study break (,which has lasted throughout my entire semester,) to pen a written freestyle something, something....just need to zone out and get some of the juices flowing....its been a minute... so lets go....

"organ donor"

told me to give my heart when i already sold my soul...

living knowing home is at the other end of the globe...

'how to ask questions' sums up everything i know...

practising to get up is the only reason i'd fall...

my pride still an issue, so stop hoping that id call...

cupid keep shooting at us, so am guessing love is war...

this ain't even bout me, cause you could have it all...

some saying i am everything, when all i want to be is more...

hello, sorry...excuse me, what is your name??

like i don't know you, cause now everything has changed...

we in this together, why do we separate the blame...

till the separation put distance in-between the place in which we stand...

and you become who i used to know,

someone who i used to love...

when i think of who is perfect, you still all of the above...

damn!!! someone asked if it would ever be enough...

guess the answer will come if there ever is an "us"...

the hard times are clearer, but please never forget,

you will be the one i remember to be who i wish i never left....

[iconnic 2010]

##############

Al-right, al-right...am done with that....Phew!!! feeling dope as ever, love everybody....peace and all that!!!!!!

...immortal death...

[another track i probably wont ever record....lyrics all in idea form...none sequential]

in the fast lane, no cruise control...

living life can make you loose your soul...

digging through heaven for a heart of gold...

building a future for some money to blow...

hope we stay connected and the fuse don't blow...

life a movie, but act this way for theres things i refuse to show...

stay that way till am in a state that amuse a crow...

always look up for the light till the sun choose to fall...

want to be the only one she can use for all...

playing hard to get till we start loosing score...

if we forget what we loosing for, then we loosing more...

home is where the heart is, but never fall for the globe...

not a man of this world, guess am the man on the moon...

standing on the sun waiting for winter to bloom....

blow you away singing the summer wind's tune...

waiting on the past when death coming soon...

meet you half way, this year am your june...

we grown distant thats why i feel trapped in this room...

don't know who i am... "me" is who the mask has consumed...

burning with rage, trying to last on the fumes....

food for thought, pass you the spoon...

and if i bug you please wait, i'll pass the cocoon....

...they say love is forever so guess if this don't work out its an immortal death....

[come to think about it...its more poetic (its not a poem though) than musical.... lets just call it random thoughts]

*** Right now am so gone, my vision blurred to where i can barely make out the keys but am staying up to see my downloads through!!! ***

Sparks on the sun

Aite

....got J Bar tearing holes in my moral fabric right now via my audio interface! Trust me i need it.... cutting loose, and just when i thought the po-po (a.k.a five-0, a.k.a the pigs a.k.a one time...) was misunderstood or something, they just had to make the mythical tales a reality for me.... lol. They called it a random search though.... and i know legally i could have said something about the intensity or degree of the search (like was that cavity search really necessary; on the freeway!!!?? i joke, i joke.....i kid, i kid....didn't happen!!! seriously). Let bygones be bygones and all...

All in all, like, i wasn't/ain't tripping... my boy got his ink on, though the tattoo was kinda weird for a first one....but guess he just love his country and history. I am not really ill like, good/dope at the arts especially when it comes to the manipulation of whitespace by making pens bleed on the white canvas to reveal or conjure up emotion stirring constructs, but something drew me to the atmosphere in this tattoo parlor... i almost signed up for a full body suit!!! Seriously, Iconnic had to have his morals (this time in the form of his mother a.k.a madre....) scream him out before he got into it... don't know how long am going to be able to curb my desire for art, creativity and individualism and finally make the steps towards such, as the aforementioned, in a quest to emerge as more than just a spark on the sun...

I am never the type to stress about anything but lately been drawn away from "living" by a few things that had me confused and all... and as usual my *"light at the end of the tunnel" came in the strangest of places.... well it was from the bible but the vessel that delivered it was what most would not conventionally deem as "normal" for such i guess...

So all in all.... my days good, as always even when times are hard.... my life is good... no more doubts, i just wonder why i even doubted what i already knew...

[...faith.. we don't have to understand.... its enough for me to just believe...]

:)

*this light is not the normally referred to "death zone" one...nope!

[I know this is kind of a lame post to jump back on the wagon with but this is Joseph addressing you, I will let Iconnic get back to you..... Hello world!]

...how to set water on fire...pt I

***the following are not actual instructions on how to perform the mentioned task, and if treated as such would render the author legally, socially, morally or otherwise NOT responsible for consequences encountered***

O.K.... enough with all the legal babble! You know, i always wanted to be a lawyer or politician but the moral implications necessary for my success ensured the death of those dreams.... What has this got to do with anything?? Nothing and everything.... you see, everything is somehow interconnected and yet not at all....and what has this got to do with anything?? NOTHING...!!!

My discussion is drawn on a phrase i picked out of a comic book (i don't read comic books that often o.k. I use them to aid in improving my illustrative skills....plus they fun to read), it read something like; "....and the waters which gave me life are the poison for which i kill the filth within and around me...."

(I will give you a moment to take that in......... shh....reflect!)

DEEP right??......

I am drawn to such phrases for reasons i cannot even pretend to understand, i play it off as fuel for my otherwise socially dormant and controversial mentality which i ensure never sees the light of day! I seem to have the tendency to focus my energies on matters that are otherwise considered unimportant by our civilized structure.... I could go on and on but just thought that phrase was cool and thought i should share......may get back to it later....right now its the fancy color box watching Hurt Locker with ma little sister "Baby Dodsy"..... cant sleep so am sketching ma a$$ off, am actually becoming good at it...

http://www.ehow.com/how_4616489_set-water-fire.html

For u mayhem addicts the above link is not exactly what i had in mind but it works too....

I suck at goodbyes, so.....uhmmm, YES! u wait here till i come back next time....cool?? :)

...rules that govern confusion...

(2days late - technically)

Alright....lets see, had an awesome day with my brothers today. Did some well needed catching up and bonding and that was "dope".... planned a weekend excursion which i am looking forward to even though one of the highlights will no longer take place but... :) now am here staring at my computer screen filled with security notifications and virus alerts which i somehow managed to instigate while looking for drivers for my ASUS en8400 graphics card! Now, my mind that is the illogical biological paradigm tasked with logical processing that i am gratefully plagued with continues to conjure up random illustrations which i will attempt to represent through my limited verbal abilities.....

(random thoughts follow)

...i guess Adam should have realized that giving Eve his rib would not suffice, she has to take his heart too... Someone once asked me if "it" was ever enough... At the time i was young, hopeful and full of life and my response was.... YES! Of course it is enough, it is all you need and nothing else matters, it is the reason for everything else... it is only now i realize she wasn't asking me to explain something of which even i had had not.... or something of which i had the pleasure of dominance over... it was a question about everything... like; is part of the truth "the truth"??... IS IT ENOUGH?? I bet my response as a youngster was based on what i valued as important and, yes...it was enough.... now i look at what i have now and my response......?? YES :) thank you God....it is enough.....BUT i still want more....need more!!!

...i wonder if Lucifer being the ruler of hell, and therefore being in hell himself is actually undergoing his punishment right now for the wrongs he did in heaven..... or will he face further punishment for the wrongs he continues to do. His ultimate sin bordered upon his need for adoration and worship. My mind just wonders if his existence as the vessel of wrong, as the representation of something that requires none of what he originally sought, now is his form of hell and he is living it everyday... why do i care you ask?? because he is... (thats the best i can do).... will look it up in bible just for the hell of it :)

...there is an order to everything, even randomness has a pattern which we recognize as "random" otherwise it would be "nothing"... This is to say that everything is "something" because nothing is nothing, simple... look at it this way, even nothing is governed by defining rules and characteristics for it to exist as nothing....ergo, if u didn't know what something was it would not classify as nothing until it possessed all the characteristics of that that is described as nothing.... The implications of this thesis could help understand the human need for knowledge... the reason for curiosity.. (o.k. i know am getting loopy!)....but take this premise for instance; even that that we can not begin to understand or comprehend and cannot confine to our rules still maintain the law of order by adhering to its rules of being and our rules of non-compliance (i.e. strange, weird, unknown etc) .... i think emotions fall into this grouping! For me anyway....

...i created this blog so i could be blunt honest with the world (or the one or two people who read this at least)...to leave an honest logical representative to give the internet a blueprint of my attic, or logical acumen... well... thats not going to happen, i cant understand half the stuff i think of and therefore cannot share it with a race hell bent on judging all that they cannot comprehend. Life is simply too complicated without me asking someone how they can claim a thought as their own when that thought is based on; words inherited, images taught and seen, ideas abstracted etc...and how belief is based on.... (i will stop here....) ....the only reason i continue to act as normal is because i have accepted my thoughts, and understand that they are NOT normal/average/acceptable....

...i promised my mum i would never marry, i can see why.... lol

...i believe in dragons (not really), i think we are in the matrix (mentally kinda), i think the clouds are fake, i believe i saw a ghost as a youngster, i really should stop typing now....

...O.K. let me get back to pretending to be normal.... what did i learn today?? In our (my) attempt to understand life, we (I) miss out on what it really is about..... life is about "LIVING".... but in order to live, we (I) must understand what we (I) live for...

Cupid shot me and my smile is the scar.....

(...for the sake of the author, let us pretend the following text was drafted in a poetic placing...lol. yes, it is corny.... yes, i don't care!!! okay, i do enough to say i don't!!!)

####

hard to explain, harder to understand...

if i must, i shall...lest you hold my hand...

when i borrow the sun, i will hide its light away...

only so i can pretend it is night and i will forever dream today...

what i know, i can forget...

what i feel... i can never loose...

the sky then must feel blue...

a day before forever ends,

let us feel like it only begins....

even then...all that matters is you....

####

Strangers we "know"

......did we take this whole "made in the image of God" thing a little too far!!?? I mean, why do we see it so necessary to have people follow us (...and i don't mean on twitter!!! only...); why do we need to attain "status"; why is it so important to have people look up to us as well as have people to look up to; why do we see ourselves worthy of others' companionship in the form of adoration, why do we want to be "worshiped"?

*Chances are; am not going to answer any of these questions, firstly because your ego will distort any logic directed in the offensive view of any of these characteristics that apply to all of us... even to you!!! yes, you!!! ....i don't need to say yo name!!! ....."&*#@$%^&" O.K. there i said it! see what you made me do!?You see how u just made all of this about you.... huh?? See your need for attention?? Thank you for proving my point....now, back to the the issue at hand....

When exactly did we let the fancy color box paint the portrait of our lives? Are we so clueless that we seek conformity even if it is stemmed from highly unlikely situational placings rehearsed by fictional depictions molded to vaguely resemble our natural setting?

(o.k. so far i have only asked a series of questions....well, apparently thats all life has given me, a bunch of questions we all have to respond to.....my answers, though impressive - might i add :) , are not important..... if you haven't realized that by now then stop, go to the top of the page and answer them for yourself; you know your name, you may know what you hate/like, but really.... "who are you!!??".... allow that to be my last question and your first...... )

..Sounds of someone trying to be quiet...

....I have been to the studio to record what i convince myself (and a small group of individuals) is music if not only for the sole reason that; i love to hear myself talk. Find ma lack of surprise when this vain trait proved logically transferable to reading ma own writing!!! YES!!! I have absolutely nothing to say (except telling you extensively about having nothing to say) and yet i cannot stop typing and reading and typing and reading and.....

......o.k...before we point fingers, don't blame me!!! its ma friend Nosiku's fault...she got me into this. lol.... :)

* i realize as i am the only person who actually knows this blog exists and that i am talking to myself...well i say HA! to u sir/madam as my split personalities count as my audience and right now it stands at somewhere between 3 to 7 audience members.... Conservatively speaking...

The TIN MAN on the organ transplant waiting list!!! pt1

.....If the title didn't paint the picture for those who haven't bought their tickets for this train of thought let me reiterate with a further elaboration of the header text :)

(don't mind me pretending to comprehend the English lingo or its application and rules thereof - humor me *Plus i know the title isn't catchy or clever, my argument to that is....blah!)

Alright..... so the idea is, the wizard of oz going star trek! You know; no magic, voodoo or any of that tomfoolery. Just good "old fashioned" modern medical science. Now lets drive that notion home, and bring it closer to home; am simply addressing the fusion of our (well at least my) historical, cultural/traditional ways and how we are forced to convert all that we were raised around into this new civilized world that we have convinced ourselves that we need.

STOP!!!! STOP!!! STOP!!! If u believe this is a serious discussion well; pony, rabbit, donkey, blue, purple, banana, teletubby, wooggie-boogie, squiggly line, blah blah, la la, hoo hoo..... o.k. now, lets continue..... :)

Upon arrival, my eyes fell upon something i was familiar with, something i was raised around...it was like the stars had tired of their duties floating in nothingness and decided to rest in the beauty of the concrete trees for the night. This concrete jungle lit up before my eyes and was everything i had ever imagined. I now draw my first reactions from memory, and i can honestly say i still feel my chest expand further than it ever has as if to accommodate for my last breath, a breath that never comes. I am filled with new hope, revived ambitions, fueled dreams. All this comes at the cost of me leaving the only thing i have ever valued in my life, the only reason i can see need to sustain an existence in this world; i had to leave my parents, my family.... it is for times like this that i wish i could express my displeasure with words as they cannot suffice in the portrayal of the emotions embedded in my biological vessel that shapes my ethereal being......

I was walking in a world that i could only visit through electronic circuits, magazines, books and my ever active mental cosmos, well...that was until now! Only i wasn't walking, the first days were spent driving around introducing my lungs to air which i had convinced myself was of a superior grade to that which my lungs were previously tasked with processing....i saw the positive in everything.... i had come to a land with no border, with no prejudice, a land were cupid had swapped his mediocre bow and arrow for nuclear warhead weaponry.... (i must at this point emphasize that my interactions at this point were limited to only my family, my brothers friends and a few overly friendly individuals in the flashing lights districts).....

It wasn't long before it became evident that i had just recently had the hands of customs officers ruffle through my African belongings in search of concealed contraband and the likes.... i was fresh off the jet! Everything my feeble mind thought it knew about this environment was either outdated or prejudicial about the entire populous. This was a new world...

I am the Tin Man on the organ transplant list....

Tin Man (C) courtesy of the "wizard of oz" - don't know who owns the rights and Terms and conditions of mentioning dude so....lol

"Rain on the sun..."

..... in case you stumbled upon these random rumblings hoping to take a mental trip with knowledge as a reward, i humbly apologize on behalf of any ill guided individual(s) that are probably as unaware as you are about the true nature of the current item of focus that is a set of irrelevantly focussed random rumbling conjured by a shallow mind in its attempt to disguise stupidity with a mask of humor and embarrassingly evident sarcasm!

To all affected individuals, i apologize..... a complete dissolution of any thoughts even remotely related, affected, inspired, influenced, etc...as a result of a visual feast of this word soup would be the only form of compensation relieving the individual drafting this text from further legal action on your part, which would most certainly result in your victory including fees to be spent towards psychiatric reconstruction of your logical neurological mental structure!

To sum it up, forget all you have known to be true.....remember all that you don't yet know.....

That is the only way to understand the logic of confusion, the concentration of ignorance....

[author is not legally responsible for any loss of faith, hope, trust, belief blah blah blah]

Ps. the title has nothing to do with the draft, just had that thought in my head...topic to address later :) oh yeah....welcome world, for organisations sake lets call this Iconnic's world...