...ghosts of the unborn...

****WARNING*** The following draft is void of grammatical regulation, structure or format and includes popular jargon or slang.... the author is NOT responsible for any idiots that DONT get it!!! :)

yo....!!!! whats hapning world!?? happy 2011!!! lets get it in...its been a minute but only cause i been putting in time in finding me so i can get you...you digg!!! Na, i aint never forget bout you...word to kratos! lol....[yall dont even know though]....but check...first blog act of this year is to give props to my family who have been there for me and have been amazing yall!!! to God who for a reason i am unworthy to even question has blessed me with all the mind, body and soul could long for...

Right quick for my own sake i will jot my most sought after resolutions for this year...

1. be a better brother/son/ombre a.k.a friend...generally be a better me

2. live up to my potential as my parents always ask me to do and actually give my all and not just settle for getting by coz i can do it with no effort digg!!!

3. Live!!!

like i swear there a million things and ama get to all of them i just wanted this audience to hold me accountable for the aforementioned declarations i have set as moral/academic/social/emotional reforms in the life of a one "iconnic"....

on the real....LOVE yall!!! yeah, the world over....

without getting too much into it yo...let me just jump into this twisted dream i had...

#### see what was freaky was that this dream stirred feelings i havent felt in but a minute!!! i was sleepin and i was scared as in SCARED dude!!! i was sweating, loosing breath and felt the deepest, darkest most sordid form of fear imaginable to any being capable of manipulating electronic signals via grey matter activity into logical thought patterns...

...and what got me this freaked out!!!?? an operation!!! [am ashamed to say]...like i was supposed to undergo surgery to "repair" a cranial anomaly or condition....and the prosepct of death by this somehow freaked the hell outta me!!! i know it sounds totally LAME now...but i was a zip away from wetting my pants!!! i cant hear words in my sleep [i think]...but could make out the doctor type dude tellin me death by this operation was virtually unheard of...[like not even google could bring up a case of it ever going wrong....]

...throughout this whole proceeding, not once had ma fear subsided or seemed to dissolve away..it was a constant presence that reminded me of my mortality and the moment came when the anesthetic was administered...

it seemed only a second, but my world faded, but i was aware of everything going on to the extent to which i saw everything going wrong and i ceased to exist in the physical realm.... NOW firstly; i have NEVER died in a dream or have heard of any one dying, well not with such brute realism and up until this point i had no idea i was dreaming!!! [which is odd coz i normally am aware enough to stir even nightmares to my preference....even sleep paralysis is easy for me to wake up from...well easy if you disregard the choking sensation!!!!]

the death was like, now am alive, whoops now am dead.....now...none of this, the horror and fear or any of that crap, had bothered me.....what did was that when i died, i saw a figure that i can only describe by awarding it angelic characteristics sweep down and struggled with all its divine strength to lift what i assume was my soul slowly northwards....this was contrasted by a depiction of a demonic creature [tiny but surprisingly strong] pulling me earth wards opposing the angel like apparition...

AND THEN I WOKE UP!!!! i wasn't sweating in "reality" (for the lack of better term), or could note any external entities that could have contributed to this mental circus....!!! and then i immediately realized what freaked me out the most about all of this was that, throughout this dream...my physical manifestation was full of fear and the only time i felt peace was in my passing....even as the forces sought refuge for my soul...i was at peace....i was calm...i was.............free!!!

lol...i know, i know...this happened yesterday...today am typing this at exactly 03:48 PM as i have been unable to sleep...[mostly i will attribute that to my excessive consumption of fast food]... i did tell a friend bout it and she was like its a dream and all....and i do feel that...was just something i had to put out...was mad ill!!! :D

am gone play some PS3 - god of war now!!! go get it....!!!

...setting smoke on fire...

"...to be immortal, one must never tire of 'dying' ..."

"...i kept thinking of a simple way to see if i was heaven worthy, just for the hell of it, and i came up with a simple test that seems to be effective enough and acts as a kind of mental state check....All i had to do was imagine what my heaven would be like, what where my greatest desires....and if anything like naked chicks popped up or some crazy "notions" or "acts" i knew i was in the wrong state of mind and had to make re-adjustments which kinda meant re-adjusting my life and what i see as being important..."

"...soul true..."

life is a trip, but no weekend getaway...

pay the cost, lets charge that to memories...

dancin to her soul, call it melody...

been gone too long, i'll be home eventually...

fallen angels... i seen many similies...

book ov life long, we must live a summary...

let me in and i give you sum ov me...

mirrors dont speak coz they contain the enemy...

wonder if its crazy to understand insanity...

seems the soul aint fulfilled hidden in humanity...

theres a reason dreams vague in clarity...

realized we measure equality in salaries...

worry bout poverty, who got time to worry bout calories??

nothin on camera come close to reality...

food for thought, most the world gat allergies...

obstetric debate on the females choice on parity...

jus laugh...life seems like hells parody...

apparently, my DNA stem from Gods family...

hard to base my needs on theoretical strategies...

so my knees scraped for pleas to actual calamities...

dont get me wrong, life a b#tch, nd i dnt need charity...

but wat do we do wen the end manifest currently??

root ov evil, plant my dreams nd hopes on currency...

we had the "word" corrupted to laws then policy...

so if they ask if i did it, the truth is probably...

coz truth dont have a "root" in the economy...

and cents prevail sense commonly...

being broke is a joke huh?? guess its dark comedy...

every account just testifies to numerology...

i dont offer you none, coz only God deserves my apology...

gotta preserve the ground i walk on for those who follow me...

follow me...

look, the truth speak for itself, so guess if i ask, lie to me...

learn to live, lets make a discovery...

sick of life?? living the only recovery...

#######

I know kinda has a dark tone to it, but its a thingy i drafted a while back and just came upon it... yeah, was for all the "issues" i witnessed and all....for the world :)

...the point of being pointless...

"...overrated...??"

seems the only way to live is through a near death experience...

almost killed my emotions, so i could let love breathe again...

feels like all my life i been acting out of character...

holding everything in, but now am running out of stamina...

now when i want to see you i have to plead with my camera...

got so much going on, God please be my manager...

make a career out of living, death is always just a passenger...

the last girl that said she loved me now is moving on to Canada...

its my fault i cant commit and i pretend there is something on...

till i grow tired, then am a liar, then you sense that something wrong...

now am sorry, then you leaving, till everything is gone...

i really don't know what to say when your name shows up on ma phone...

and its funny how you make sure i know you not alone...

guess you still don't get that that is all i want to be...

am sorry i gave you pain, all i wanted was a few memories...

am hoping you see me different if not now, then eventually...

though i say i didn't love you, let it not take from what you meant to me...

cant even remember my first kiss...

but what is important i guess is to remember the purpose...

only think am shallow cause all i avail is my surface...

sorry am just killing time, this is evidence of my murders...

###############

yeah, yeah!!!! i know...am going back to study...

...when limits seem like just a suggestion...

YO! mad weekend, mad life really. lol

This just like a big shout out to the man making it happen; My dad, love you....and of course mums is the best!!! I wont even lie, God been good to me and its like a driving force for me to be better, i mean....i don't ever feel deserving of any of the things i have or anything given to me, so everyday i wake, i live to be the person who deserves them. Ok, i lie....i do deserve them, lol....but am still mad thankful....

My exams ongoing now, preparing for a trip with my family (,i hate travelling kinda, sort of but not really,) the studio engineer heard my drop on a mates track and went mad crazy and has been going on about how i should do my own solo project and get a demo on point and all....huh, see how that goes. Plus props to everybody helping me out on my spiritual journey, its hard sometimes to accommodate for my curiosity and all.

What else??? Trying fix up my car and all, preparing for my lil brother coming over next year!!! I miss him and my family back home like mad....got sum major work lined up for the holidays, so looking forward to getting back with my one true and always faithful LOVE........gwaaaps!!! duckies!!! spondookies!!! or more commonly known as MONEY!!! :) don't worry, am just playing. lol

Really i just jumped on this during my study break (,which has lasted throughout my entire semester,) to pen a written freestyle something, something....just need to zone out and get some of the juices flowing....its been a minute... so lets go....

"organ donor"

told me to give my heart when i already sold my soul...

living knowing home is at the other end of the globe...

'how to ask questions' sums up everything i know...

practising to get up is the only reason i'd fall...

my pride still an issue, so stop hoping that id call...

cupid keep shooting at us, so am guessing love is war...

this ain't even bout me, cause you could have it all...

some saying i am everything, when all i want to be is more...

hello, sorry...excuse me, what is your name??

like i don't know you, cause now everything has changed...

we in this together, why do we separate the blame...

till the separation put distance in-between the place in which we stand...

and you become who i used to know,

someone who i used to love...

when i think of who is perfect, you still all of the above...

damn!!! someone asked if it would ever be enough...

guess the answer will come if there ever is an "us"...

the hard times are clearer, but please never forget,

you will be the one i remember to be who i wish i never left....

[iconnic 2010]

##############

Al-right, al-right...am done with that....Phew!!! feeling dope as ever, love everybody....peace and all that!!!!!!

...immortal death...

[another track i probably wont ever record....lyrics all in idea form...none sequential]

in the fast lane, no cruise control...

living life can make you loose your soul...

digging through heaven for a heart of gold...

building a future for some money to blow...

hope we stay connected and the fuse don't blow...

life a movie, but act this way for theres things i refuse to show...

stay that way till am in a state that amuse a crow...

always look up for the light till the sun choose to fall...

want to be the only one she can use for all...

playing hard to get till we start loosing score...

if we forget what we loosing for, then we loosing more...

home is where the heart is, but never fall for the globe...

not a man of this world, guess am the man on the moon...

standing on the sun waiting for winter to bloom....

blow you away singing the summer wind's tune...

waiting on the past when death coming soon...

meet you half way, this year am your june...

we grown distant thats why i feel trapped in this room...

don't know who i am... "me" is who the mask has consumed...

burning with rage, trying to last on the fumes....

food for thought, pass you the spoon...

and if i bug you please wait, i'll pass the cocoon....

...they say love is forever so guess if this don't work out its an immortal death....

[come to think about it...its more poetic (its not a poem though) than musical.... lets just call it random thoughts]

*** Right now am so gone, my vision blurred to where i can barely make out the keys but am staying up to see my downloads through!!! ***

Sparks on the sun

Aite

....got J Bar tearing holes in my moral fabric right now via my audio interface! Trust me i need it.... cutting loose, and just when i thought the po-po (a.k.a five-0, a.k.a the pigs a.k.a one time...) was misunderstood or something, they just had to make the mythical tales a reality for me.... lol. They called it a random search though.... and i know legally i could have said something about the intensity or degree of the search (like was that cavity search really necessary; on the freeway!!!?? i joke, i joke.....i kid, i kid....didn't happen!!! seriously). Let bygones be bygones and all...

All in all, like, i wasn't/ain't tripping... my boy got his ink on, though the tattoo was kinda weird for a first one....but guess he just love his country and history. I am not really ill like, good/dope at the arts especially when it comes to the manipulation of whitespace by making pens bleed on the white canvas to reveal or conjure up emotion stirring constructs, but something drew me to the atmosphere in this tattoo parlor... i almost signed up for a full body suit!!! Seriously, Iconnic had to have his morals (this time in the form of his mother a.k.a madre....) scream him out before he got into it... don't know how long am going to be able to curb my desire for art, creativity and individualism and finally make the steps towards such, as the aforementioned, in a quest to emerge as more than just a spark on the sun...

I am never the type to stress about anything but lately been drawn away from "living" by a few things that had me confused and all... and as usual my *"light at the end of the tunnel" came in the strangest of places.... well it was from the bible but the vessel that delivered it was what most would not conventionally deem as "normal" for such i guess...

So all in all.... my days good, as always even when times are hard.... my life is good... no more doubts, i just wonder why i even doubted what i already knew...

[...faith.. we don't have to understand.... its enough for me to just believe...]

:)

*this light is not the normally referred to "death zone" one...nope!

[I know this is kind of a lame post to jump back on the wagon with but this is Joseph addressing you, I will let Iconnic get back to you..... Hello world!]